Tell, Don’t Show
Posted: February 28, 2011
Did you read that wrong the first time or two? So did I, even though I KNOW what I named this post, and it’s because “show, don’t tell” is probably the advice most often given to fiction writers. I thought I had taken that lesson to heart, but it turns out… I didn’t.
#1. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG (AT LEAST I WAS)
A big chunk of my latest revision was weeding through all the zillions of physical reactions that littered my manuscript. It was confusing at first. I thought these things were good! Most looked something like this:
“Listen to this really provocative statement,” Jonah says.
My mouth drops open. “I’m so provoked!”
Yeah, this? Is not right. And I removed sooo maaaaany similar instances from my manuscript. I thought I was showing! Instead of Rebekah saying “I’m shocked”, she has a physical reaction that shows her shock. How is that not right?? Well, here’s why:
It’s unnecessary.
The real showing, the important showing, doesn’t happen there. It happens in the dialogue. A reader should know Rebekah is shocked not because I show her mouth opening, but because her words reveals that about her.
(The exception is NON-GENERIC physical actions. For instance, Rebekah has a habit of smoothing things – like her dress, a tablecloth, etc – whenever she feels out of control. If she had smoothed her dress instead of her mouth dropping open, that’s a physical reaction I might have left in. For one thing, it has agency. It’s Rebekah doing something instead of an involuntarily physical response. Secondly, it’s something unique to her that reveals character. It’s individual instead of generic, and it demonstrates something about her as a person rather than about a fleeting emotional state she happens to be experiencing.)
Also, if I’ve done my job up until this point and created Rebekah as a consistent and clear character, readers should already know how she’d feel, or at least have a pretty good idea. Showing isn’t just about what happens in the moment; it’s about the whole picture of the character. Do they feel like a real person with thoughts, emotions, and perspectives that make sense? If so, you don’t have to sweat the little things like “will the reader know she’s happy/sad/angry as she says this particular sentence if I don’t include her smiling/frowning/clenching her fists?”
So looked at this way, showing is a much more subtle thing. In fact, it can be so subtle that it makes my open mouth look like telling. Now that I’ve removed all these unnecessary physical reactions, I can barely stand to read portions of my old draft. They feel so cluttered and heavy-handed. I have a physical reaction with practically every line of dialogue! And they do nothing but bog down the narrative, so if you do the same thing: just. cut. them.
If something feels missing or is confusing, work on strengthening your dialogue and the way it reveals character instead of leaning on physical reactions..
#2. TELL, DON’T SHOW
Secondly, I was so afraid of telling that I basically never did it, even when I should have.
So remember when I color-coded my entire manuscript and it was the best revision technique ever? Well those blue chunks of internal narrative, where you’re slowing the pace down and really delving into your character, are the perfect place for some telling! In fact, if you’re NOT doing some telling there, you’re probably missing out on a big opportunity to bring your readers closer to your characters.
If Rebekah’s lying in bed and feeling scared? I don’t have to tiptoe around the “feeling scared” part by having her breathing quickly or something. I can just have her say, “I’M SCARED AND THIS IS WHY.” It’s okay! That’s just what these places of internal narration are for, to get us right into the character’s head and learn what they’re thinking. But that’s super hard if they don’t just come out and say it.
During internal narration, there’s no way to show what the character is thinking since you’re inside their head. So just tell! Or you risk alienating the reader because they don’t know how the character is feeling, don’t feel like they’re right there with her, and don’t have the context for why she does things she does later on. Now, like everything else, this technique has to be used strategically and not just all over the place, but don’t be afraid to use it because you don’t want to break the golden rule of writing.
So, there they are, two of the biggest lessons I learned during this revision that I KNOW are going to stay with me and make all my subsequent manuscripts so much better. Seriously, how freakin’ brilliant are my agent and her readers? I feel like I’ve been let into some awesome secret club (and I’m totally sneaking you in with me!).
Categories: Writing | Tags: breakout second novel, craft, cristin terrill, tips and tricks, Writing | 15 comments
I _constantly_ think about this issue in my work. My CPs sometime ask me to show at a place where I worry more about the pacing and slowing the action too much. I don’t have any hard and fast rules about when it’s best to tell rather than show…still feeling it out.
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Yeah, it can be hard to judge sometimes. There were several places in my manuscript where my agent was like, “just say she’s scared” or whatever it was. I think trying to stick to showing in times of action/dialogue and telling in internal monologue is probably a good place to start, although there will always be exceptions, damnit! :)
THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!! I had a cp once a looooong time ago who always had a character raising her eyebrows, grinding her teeth, or picking her nails. I thought it sounded ridiculous, and I didn’t understand why she kept insisting I needed all these things all over my manuscript! But I couldn’t articulate why, exactly, because I wasn’t very experienced at the time.
I can’t even COUNT the number of times I’ve seen the advice to “show, don’t tell, your character’s emotional state by having them raise their eyebrows, grind their teeth, or pick their nails.” But you’re right, it just clutters up the manuscript and, most of the time, doesn’t actually achieve what it’s supposed to!
HALLELUJAH!! Haha! That makes so much more sense! I always used to look at my mss and other published novels and think “But you do have to tell sometimes!” and then being confused. Some of my favourite parts are when the author does tell, too. It seems raw, honest. Great post!
I tried to RT your tweet about it, by the way, and totally FAILED. Haha! I’m hopeless! :)
My lack of telling wasn’t quite as bad as my over-showing, but yeah, I think I was generally too hesitant when it came to using it as a tool. And you’re right, it can be such a powerful one!
Huh, I just went and looked at the Twitter webpage (I use an app called Tweetie) and I can’t find the retweet button either! They’ve redesigned recently, and it kind of sucks. No wonder you couldn’t RT! Download Tweetie or TweetDeck, sooo much easier!
I’m writing a lot of new material lately, and I’ve been really conscious of not using those physical descriptors as I’m writing, and have also felt okay telling about my mc’s emotional state when it’s necessary, especially because the narrative is third person, so we don’t have her first person words to gives us clues as internal dialogue, either.
It’s really funny that some of these things we learn in creative writing class or from critique partners that SEEM helpful, but are in fact misrepresentations of how the technique really should work.
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Wow, I needed this!!! So much so, I actually searched until I found it. I’ve been trying to get away from all those stupid shrugs and smiles and frowns and coughs and other physical telling, but just haven’t been able to work out how to! Bookmarked (and put on my toolbar so I can read over and over :) )
Hugs,
Rach
Hi Rachael! Sorry for my delayed response; I’ve been away from the internet.
Thanks so much for commenting, and I’m so glad the post was helpful to you. I’m plagued by physical “showing” too; it’s an insidious little beast. Forgive me for promoting myself here, but one thing I found to replace the shrugs and smiles and which actually does show instead of tell is using props effectively, which I talk about here. Maybe it’ll help you like it did me.
So what are you working on?
Another awesome post, thanks so much for pointing me in that direction :) I’m currently revising my YA Horror WIP at the moment and hoping to query soon. So this sort of “tweaking” is just what I need right now :)
Hugs,
Rach
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I found you at rachel harrie’s blog. Great post! Lots to think about and then apply. :)
I’m not sure who comes up with all these new ideas for writers to adhere to. How many novels get published–by traditional publishers, by the way–who write like this–where they show and don’t tell? Unless I’ve missed the whole point, or … I did read this all wrong (had too much turkey?), I don’t agree.
It’s one thing to do too much of something that’s annoying, or badly worded, or what have you,but really, a lot of authors “break” these little rules of writing–dozens of rules which I’ve read over and over again–and I don’t see that they’ve lost fans, or their sales going down because of it, or that their publisher is rejecting them over it either. And I’m talking about big name authors, Rowling, Dan Brown, Kim Harrison, etc.
Nothing like placing rigid rules on a writer if only to frustrate the hell out of them. I’m sorry I’m not going to have my character say “Oh, I’m shocked.” instead of having her jaw drop. I’m not going to have my character say “I’m scared” and not have her heart pitter patter. No one in life does this! I’d like for my readers to say that my characters seem real to them (and do),and not force my writing around something that seems to work FINE.
Sorry if I don’t fall into this lemming thought process of writing.
I just came from Rachael Harrie’s blog. Excellent tips! Show vs. Tell is tricky no matter how much writing we’ve done.
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